What is Informal Parenting?

Welcome to my blog!  This is me and my husband, Joey.  He's my best friend in this world, and the most loving father I know.  We have two kids, boys ages 8 and 9 years old, and a little girl on the way. 

What is informal parenting?  Informal is defined as "having an unofficial style, manner, or nature."  It's pretty fitting for how I live my life as a mom.  Let me explain.  

I'm currently a member of a September Babies group on Facebook, a community of about 50 or so women who are due to give birth in September.  I see a lot of first time moms already obsessing about being 'the perfect mom.'  How much caffeine can I have while I'm pregnant?  Where do I start pre-registering for preschool?  How many Mozart cd's should my fetus listen to daily?

And look, moms, you have to chill.  Collectively, we all have to chill.  In the land of social media, there's always someone who APPEARS to be doing a better job than you.  But let me tell you something.  No one has time to make dinosaur shaped sandwiches for their kids lunch every day.  You don't have to feed your kids 100% organic self-grown vegetables for them to live a long and healthy life.  Unless your kid has celiac disease, gluten won't kill them, and no - your kid won't die if you give them a freakin oreo now and then.

Are we all really striving to be good parents, or are we just in competition with each other?  The more I look online, the more I feel the latter.  A mom can't post a picture of their kid on Facebook without someone criticizing their parenting style.  Those clothes are too gender-specific.  That popsicle has too many additives.  Those diapers aren't perfume free.  Does it make you feel better to tell a mom that you're doing SO much better than they are at parenting?

To those moms - you know if you're one of them - please take a step back.  You're not perfect, and neither are we.  I may let my kids have cereal with ingredients I can't pronounce, but my kids ate this morning.  They had a meal.  They put on clothes that fit and shoes that weren't too tight.  They may have had more than 1 hour of screen time while I was working today, but they played age appropriate games and used their imaginations.  (Minecraft, by the way, is the bane of my existence.  It may keep them entertained, but at WHAT COST?!).

What I'm really trying to say is - I'm not the perfect mom.  I'm not a perfect parent.  I don't have time for pinterest meals and activities.  I'm never going to make homemade laundry detergent or soap, and I'm probably never going to spend 100 hours researching each and every ingredient listed on the cereal boxes.  

And honestly, when this baby girl gets here, I'm not going to spend extra money just to get dye-free diapers.  

My kids have food, clean water, and most importantly: love.  I kiss them every day and remind them they are strong and that they have so much to be grateful for. 

I'm NOT saying you should feel comfortable relaxing the rules on important things like car seat safety, and proper nutrition.  No, your kids probably shouldn't have hot dogs for dinner EVERY day, but don't beat yourself up if that's the easiest meal on a Thursday night.  Throw a few grapes on the plate and then remind yourself that you're doing just fine.

You don't have to be a perfect parent - you just have to be a good one.  As a community, it's our responsibility to lift each other up, and remind each other that we're all in this together - we're all doing our best.

Next time you see that cute photo of the baby with a blue covered face and cheeks, don't scold the mom for buying store-made cupcakes with sugar and blue dye.  If you have to say anything at all, say "what a happy kid!" and then maybe go take a nap.

We could all use a nap now and then.